I'm HERE.

I've been here in Townsville for barely a week, and I'm blessed to say that I'm settling in just fine. I'm glad I found a place to stay. Places to rent are hard to come by here, with almost everyone being transient migrants - usually for the university or the hospital, so finding a home in less than a week surprised everyone. (Thank God!) Some people had to look around for a month. It's a few minutes walk to the hospital, in a pretty quiet neighborhood. And it does help much that my Mom is here with me to help me settle in.

I've just finished my first five days of work at the Emergency Department (ED). I even find myself thinking out in an Australian accent now, because that's all I hear almost everyday. But hey, I think I might have walked into a United Nations assembly. The doctors I work with at the ED are from as far as Holland, Denmark, Germany, Mauritius, India, Maldives (yes, I thought they didn't have doctors there), India, Burma, Sri Lanka, South Africa, the States and China. It's amazing how the local townsfolk must be used to seeing doctors of different colors and races when they come in to the hospital. It's amazing that in such a short time, I learned about their different healthcare systems and anecdotes - and how relatively 'easy' our American/Filipino medical system is easier to get into.

Barely a week into this country, I am deeply surprised at how 'lucky' and 'spoiled' their citizens are. Oddly enough though, they can NEVER really stop complaining. I'm sure all my colleagues who are now based in other countries can relate - that I'm brought back to memories of life in PGH as a medical student. I remember 'hoarding' IV cannulas, syringes, tube tops for blood exams, micropores and plasters. I remember cutting up sterile strips to save them, hunting for request forms and referral letters, and even running up to the lab or radiology just to bring up bloods or pull in patients ourselves. EVERYTHING here is available, in heaping proportions, in ABUNDANCE. Doctors are free to order just about any lab exam for any patient - or prescribe just about any medication, because it's available.

Life here is fairly simple. I started work barely a few days off the plane - so that I could be paid ASAP (haha ). People are friendly, because it's a small city of a few hundred thousand - but the hospital is one of the biggest provincial hospitals outside a city. It's a tertiary teaching and training center with almost all specialties except a burn unit. And it's amazing that after almost two years of moonlighting in a small secondary hospital, they recognized my experience and hired me as a Senior House Officer in ED.

God has indeed prepared a place for me. I can't believe that I've waited so long for this - and now I'm HERE. The past few days have been a blur. I can't believe I'm away from home, from Stel, from my family and friends, and from everything familiar.

I sometimes stop and remind myself that this place will be my home for a year. I know that God is still working in me, and I know that His hand is in everything, no matter how trivial or simple it may seem to me.

But despite all the excitement and novelty of this new chapter in my life, I sometimes wish that Ginger and I didn't have to be MILES apart. It's ironic that she's moving to Paris in a few weeks. And I won't even be in Manila to see her off, or throw her a suprise party. I can't believe I can no longer barge into her room when she's sleeping, talk to her when she's half asleep, invite her on an impromptu shopping trip, or have those late night sessions we have no matter how tired we are, or how early we have to get up the next day.

God is sovereign. God is good. Sometimes, I just wonder why He allowed this to happen AT THE SAME TIME. God must be shaking His head again saying : There you go again, my child. Just trust Me.

God brought me here. So this is where I'll be. For now.

Everything Matters

I saw this book lying around Ginger's 'new books' pile the other week - and I was wondering why she had it when I've never even heard about it. We were both going through the Women's Murder Club (James Patterson) series, and I was reading through my share of Jeffrey Archer and Robert Ludlum books which I've long forgotten. We'd occasionally pick up chiclit for those stress-free days, when our mind was too filled up with all these plots of espionage and homicide. Incidentally, I was trying to start the Bourne series this week - but I've been struggling with Ludlum's circuitous plots that I just might not finish it.

So I pick up this book, at random - just because I needed a break, and because I saw it on all the bestseller lists at the bookstore the other day.

And I'm glad I did.

I just finished reading THE SHACK by William Young. It's a story about Mack, whose daughter was mysteriously abducted and murdered near an abandoned shack somewhere in the wilderness. A few years later, he receives a suspicious note from 'God' who invites him to the same shack for the weekend. Intrigued, and lost in a cloud of his Great Sadness, he drives to the shack in the dead of winter - and finds something there that changes his life, and his world forever.

In this modern day when talking about God or your faith is never commonplace or the norm, when God is taken out of schools, when His name cannot be mentioned (lest we be found politically incorrect), when religiosity becomes a lifestyle choice, when SELF-help and SELF-actualization is celebrated, when society and culture seemed to have bogged down, when the world has become so dark and dangerous that we question God's hand, or His existence in this place of misery, THE SHACK offers us a view of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit in human and everyday language almost anyone can relate to.

I was deeply moved by the character, Mack's inner struggles and questions on God's love, on forgiveness, on being a child of God, on calling Him Lord (and therefore Master of our lives), on His perfect will, on His wisdom, and of His 'fondess' for EACH of us. I see myself in Mack, in all his questions, in all his uncertainties and his lack of faith. It rebuked me, and reminded me of how finite my knowledge and understanding of the world and of my life is. I was reminded of how I act like such a child in the midst of such an amazing Father. His love is infinite, and He loves ALL of us UNCONDITIONALLY.

An inifinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.
-A.W. Tozer

I know that I am a work in progress. I am simply made perfect because of Him, and through Him, we are able to live a life a tinge closer to what He wants us to be.

God DOES NOT promise us a perfect life, when we surrender our hearts to Him. We are made human, and therefore, human intellect, understanding and emotion can only take so much - and life is bound to breakdown at some point. But God's love and His grace sees us through this. Sometimes, it is in these struggles that we are able to see His glory - and we are again, stubbornly reminded, to glorify Him (and Him alone).

There are times when we wonder whether this life is worth living, whether whatever we do here is even worth mentioning, whether God even listens, or whether He even cares. God knows us - He knows our name, He knows our heart and He has placed us in this world for a purpose. Yet, oftentimes, we judge Him, we question Him, we go ahead of Him.

...If anything matters, then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again.
- 'Sarayu', THE SHACK

I have never been this moved by anything in a long, long time. I didn't intend to, but I found tears rolling down my cheeks every few chapters along the way. And I'm not even exaggerating.

Find the time to read THE SHACK. It's only about 200+ pages, the words are easy to understand, the letters are big enough. It's relatively short - but each page will bring you to a new perspective, that can and should change how you view God forever.

Read it. It just might be what the whole world needs at this moment. It just might be what YOU need at the moment.

I know I did.

Indifferent

Am I just being indifferent?

I think I'm just one of a few who is neither moved, inspired, nor impressed.

There's just something NOT right about it. I can't put my finger on it, but something's just too good to be true.

Hmm...

My Iconic Salad

YUM.

Still getting used to my new hair. :)

Cleaning out my closet

I 'tried' to clean out my room today. Well, part of it at least.

It's amazing how years of accumulated stuff on the floor, from three years ago, no longer have space in my closet. So it all goes to the floor. And since of all things, I'm an absolute shoe-whore, boxes accumulate - yet I only usually rotate between five pairs at a time, the flavor of the month. Everything else just remains on the floor.

Since I'll be leaving sometime soon, I am taking stock of what I have, what to bring, what to leave behind and what to throw out (or give away). I wish I still had the patience to post my stuff on Ebay, or organize a garage sale. It's too tasking, and I'm just way too lazy. And don't get me started on clothes. I think that would be a bit manageable though - since being plus sized eliminates a whole lot of stores and choices. Yet, I still have A LOT, a lot more than the average girl I'd think.

The thought of moving away, and keeping everything in boxes marvels me. When I was living about an hour away from the house, lugging everything was pretty easy. When I think I'd need something, it would be easy to have someone bring it over, or to just pick it up the next time I drop by the house.

Moving to a place thousands of miles away is different. Crazy different. And when it's a question of how much shoes I'll bring, I can't really decide what to part with. That's like asking a mom to choose which child to leave behind. *Sigh*

I just need the moving boxes, and I'm almost ready to pack my stuff. I'm leaving a whole lot of them behind. I know that the next time I come home, circumstances will be different. This may be the last time I'm staying at home in a long time... Coz after that, I think I'll be about ready to settle down. But that's a whole different story.

Thank GOD Ginger's SAFE

One of the strangest reasons why I've put off driving for the longest time, is because I've always been scared of being in an accident. I seem to have recurrent nightmares of being caught in one, or being a victim of one. Working in the emergency room, seeing car crash victims does not help my fear at all. Don't even get me started on motorcycles.

Ever since I started driving, I've become more aware of how BAD our drivers are, especially (but NOT limited to) of public utility vehicles and large vehicles (like trucks and trailers). They literally drive like they just woke up one day, and decided to take the wheel of a vehicle, with no idea that they drive with other cars on the road. They don't understand that there are lines on the road for a reason, that there are signal lights and break lights for a reason, there are stop lights for a reason and there are road rules and signs for a reason. And it's not just because they're nice to look at.

I don't even want to rant about road courtesies and all that. The way someone drives can actually give you a glimpse of someone's personality and temperament. Now I understand road rage and the like - and I understand why having a gun in your glove compartment can be a very dangerous thing. And it's funny when people say how someone slow or cautious on the road 'drives like a girl.' I'd rather drive that way, than drive like it's my last day on earth.

Ginger was in an accident today. What started out to be an ordinary busy week for everyone, ended up as a true demonstration of God's faithfulness. And today is only Monday. It could've happened another way - and we could've been in the hospital right now, praying for a miracle. Thank God she's safe. We just realized how important it is to pray for safety every single day. Accidents happen, sometimes they're inevitable. But God's hand was in my sister's midst, even at a time like this.

Read her story.
************
Today started out like any ordinary Monday. I woke up a little late and of course, had the Monday blues. For the first time in a long time, I drove myself to work.

At around 10:00AM, I had just stopped in front of the stoplight in Ortigas Ext. (the Valle Verde 6 one before Luntala). I heard the squealing of brakes, the sound of metal against metal and the breaking of glasses. And, I felt my car lurch forward a couple of yards. I realized, "crap, I'm in a car accident and I'm going to be late for work."

I didn't think it was that bad. I was sitting down and i heard the vendors screaming outside "Ang bilis ng truck, nakikipagkarera sa bus!." Shakingly, I stepped out of the car. And I was shocked at what I saw. It was a 3 car collision.

There was a huge truck with it's windows smashed in. (the culprit of it all)

In front of him or behind me, there was a Destiny Cable van with the ladder down on the road beside me with all it's windows smashed in too. The passengers of the multicab were slightly injured due to the smashed glass. I took a picture of this when we already moved. See the ladder on top? that fell off.


And then, there was me. Seeing all that, I was floored. I called two people; my dad and Winkle. It was all a blur actually. I called Winkle to say I was going to be late for work, originally thinking I'd still get to go. My hands were shaking which I only realized when the cops came to have my sign a paper and it's still shaking now as I write this now. They kept asking me if I was ok as the ambulance came. And I really was ok, rattled but ok. Praise God for that. However, that made me realize it was a bad accident and I had a close call. And I was really thankful. On a side note, it must have been pretty bad coz the other motorists were stopping to take pictures (salamat ha, at least you took pictures kahit you didnt help! hindi ako bitter, hindi :) haha)

I kept thinking what if:
- I had been in the one in front of the truck.
- the ladder had gone through my window instead of going on the side.

I don't want to imagine the answers to those what-ifs and I don't have to. And for that, I have only God to thank. I believe it's really His grace that I'm ok. It wasn't only the circumstance but the car I was in was miraculously not so damaged. Imagine, my car only got dented (even if the dent was really bad) and none of the windows were smashed or even the lights of the car. When you look at the damage on the other two cars, I'm just amazed and very, very thankful. I'm glad God still has other plans for me. :)

I'm also thankful my dad still wasn't in Vietnam so he kept me company in the police station and then I had lunch with him and my sister. Kudos to MMDA, Brgy. Ugong and PNP police in that area. I never thought I'd say this but thanks. They really ensured we were all fine and they made sure the process was quick. I'm also thankful none of us were badly injured especially for those in the Destiny van.

As I sit now at home and write this (my boss excused me from work, thanks :)), I can't help just feeling blessed. I will never take safety for granted ever again. So, I write this to say that yes, miracles still do happen, sometimes in the places where we expect them the least. And yes, He is always in control. Thank you Lord. Thank you. So in case you read this, say a prayer of thanks for me too. :)