OVER!

It's finally OVER!

Crossing one major obstacle, just means I have a thousand more to go.
Super small steps, one at a time for me.

And I still feel all the PRESSURE.

My Stelly travels to the States in a few hours... And although he's really all scared and worried, I'm sure he'll have a blast.

This weekend will be time to reflect, recharge, rejuvenate, and recommit my life to the Lord. I'll be attending the GCF Singles Conference for the first time... And I actually feel that it's one of those things I need at THIS point in my life.

I'm fervently and earnestly praying for HIS leading. I should just become a housewife!! Haha.
Crossing my fingers and toes, and everything else. :)

Things are looking up. There's no time to go CRAZY anymore. Not anymore.

Thanks to everyone who cares. I love you all.
**********

(that's Papa with my favorite - and only sister)

Happy Happy Birthday to my dear Father.
To my favorite patient : I'll always be your DOCTOR.
I love you PA!! :)

!!!

I'm crazy anxious that it feels like my heart's going to pop out any minute.

Argh.

The family's in KL. I'm missing out on some major shopping, and eating.

If Gin is always at work, missing on stuff...
I always seem to have an exam.
It's our DEFAULT agenda of the moment.

Perhaps wisdom is simply a matter of waiting,
and healing a question of time.
And anything you've ever been given is yours forever.

**
God is too good to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So if you don't understand,
If you can't see HIS plan,
If you can't trace HIS hand,
TRUST His heart.

Grunge Angel Generator at bigoo.ws

Sometimes, being SILENT, STILL and ALONE is the best way we deal with our life's travails.

And just knowing that our FRIENDS (the people who love us) are just right there beside us brings COMFORT in itself.

There are times when I'd rather keep things to myself, when I'd rather not talk, when I'd rather not be around a whole lot of people. There are times when I'd rather be in social isolation.

The last time this happened to me was too long ago, I cannot even remember...

But to people out there who truly care for me, who have been asking me how I am, or have been having problems of their own, I'd like to apologize for my SILENCE.

I know I haven't been much of a friend lately. I know I haven't really been there for some of you the past weeks.

I'm SORRY. And THANK YOU.

I hope you'll understand. Say a little prayer for me please, will you?

Life will get better. I'll find my SMILE again soon.

At its deepest, PRAYER is a statement about causality.
Turning toward PRAYER is our release from the arrogance and vulnerability of an isolated and individual causality.

When we pray, we stop trying to control life and remember that we belong to life.
It is an opportunity to experience humility and recognize GRACE.

Sometimes, the most powerful prayers are also the MOST SIMPLE.
-Kitchen Table Wisdom

Lord, please grant me the peace that surpasses all understanding, and the joy that can only come from you.

Chelsea... the next time. :)

Stel and I fell in love with Chelsea, that we went there twice in a week.

Crispy Duck Confit with Mushroom Risotto.

The duck leg was perfect with the peppercorn sauce - just make sure to tell them not to overcook the duck. The mushroom risotto was so creamy, it really did taste like the risotto from Circles. It was strange though that the exact dish tasted different the second time around. Both were good, but the second one was better. Inconsistent? What the heck, I'll still keep coming back for more.

Angus Burger.

The beef was all meat, but juicy and tasty. BUT it was too filling for just one person. The potato wedges were crunchy and addicting served with their special ginger mayo. We loved it!

Hershey's Banana Cream Pie.

Nothing can beat Mocha Blends' Banana Caramel Pie. The other Bannoffees do not even come close. This one from Chelsea was good enough.


I loved their Caffe Latte as well. Creamy, and HOT.

CHELSEA was one of those restaurants where we had our orders all planned out for our next visit. Yes, that's how much we loved it. And next to Gourmand (and Galileo for Stel), this IS definitely one of our new favorite restaurants to date.

'Till our next VISIT.

Wait

I think HE's telling me to WAIT.

I sometimes wish my problems were so simple, that a Dorothy Perkins shopping spree, or the cheap Melissa-like jelly shoes, or new accessories, or a caffeine fix, or a dinner at Serendra could somehow ERASE.

Life seems to be at warp-speed for everyone else, but not for me.

Stel's leaving for the States in a few days. The same day I take my EXAM. The same day Sherylou comes back. The same day it's Papa's birthday.

I could've been off to a weekend shopping trip to Malaysia with my family. Or gone on a US holiday with my Stelly.

But priorities have to be set, and I am obliged to FOCUS.

I know I'll get through this all somehow. I'm being STILL, and listening to His call, and keeping the faith.

It gets sad and difficult sometimes, but I know I'll survive. Everyone else did.

***********

Happy 51months.

Bazaar Schmazar

Sales abound, and the bazaars are in full swing.

The Global Pinoy Bazaar, (at the Rockwell tent today), has got to be one of those things I didn't want to miss.

BUT then again, maybe it just wasn't meant for me. Stel's on duty, Gin's busy, and my dad hates going to Rockwell.

And since I CAN'T drive, I can't go.

God can be funny sometimes. :)

The Potter's Clay

Take ME. Mold ME. Use ME. Fill ME.
I give MY life to the Potter's hands.

GOD has been there for me ALL the time. I may stray away and forget at times, but HE has never left my side. If there's one thing that's supposed to be constant in life, it's my relationship with Him.

He teaches me so many things in different ways. And just like a 'pasaway' daughter, He always manages to put me in my place.

He teaches us about faith, and grace. He wants us to literally bow down before Him, on our KNEES, fervently asking and praying, for His will. He teaches us to DEPEND on Him.

And those times that we're pushed to the wall (just as I am now), He wants us to trust in Him, and only Him.

He is the POTTER, and I am the CLAY. No matter how cliche this may sound, you really wouldn't be able to fathom what this actually means until you experience it yourself.

I know that through it all, through my 20something years in this world, GOD has been constantly shaping me into the person HE wants me to be, so that I can serve Him better.

So, Father, take me, mold me, use me, and fill me.
For your glory, Lord.

Believe

WAITING is definitely killing me. It's THE fear of the future, the fear of the unknown, the fear of the I-do-not-know.

Things were much simpler back then. I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to graduate from the best Philippine medschool there is. My whole life pre-M.D. was focused on that...

So then, I eventually made it. I passed the boards. Then came the LIFE.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have much of a choice. Sometimes I wish my parents were doctors too, and I had a practice to follow. Sometimes I wish I could just settle.

Sometimes, I really wish I could just get engaged, get married, and start another life altogether. Life couldn't get any better than that. I'd have Stel, my family, his family, our friends, and our careers to contend with.

BUT I guess being driven to do SOMETHING ELSE, is what makes me ME. If I weren't to pursue my OWN dream, then that would be neglecting my very existence.

Why can't I just be like everyone else?

GOD teaches us things in the most unusual ways.
I learned to KEEP DREAMING, KEEP THE FAITH and BELIEVE.

Sometimes, the floodgates of heaven are actually open. We just fail to see it.

Thankful

It's bazaar season once again. The BER months are upon us.

And I can't believe I'm still in the same place, right where I started. I'm still hoping for some good news in the coming days... BUT it is still pretty darn difficult to sit STILL and WAIT. Haaynaku.

And because I'm currently on leave to focus on BETTER things, I realized that I CANNOT go shopping as much as I'd like to. That just means that I've got to let go of dreams of even stepping foot inside the bazaars. What's the point of going if I'm broke anyway? The true shopaholic in me cannot just window-shop. I must be sick.

So because of that, I'd like to say THANK YOU for the things MONEY CANNOT BUY.

• my STELLY
• my family
  
• a HUG
• time with people I love
• heartfelt laughter
• a good night's sleep
• a text or an email from a friend you haven't heard from in so long
• inspiring messages
• the cool weather
• a good appetite
• being healthy
• having HOPE
• saying ILOVEYOU, IMISSYOU and THANKYOU, and meaning it
• writing on my blogs
• being at peace with myself and the world
• loving GOD
  
• a good cup of coffee
• torrents!
• having free Wi-fi
• LEARNING.
  

There's always more to be thankful for, and less to complain about.

Sometimes I just get caught up in what I DON'T have, that I forget about what I have.

SORRY, Lord.

Where?

I was reading my entries from 2005 in my previous blog, (Go to the archives there) and I seemed more sensible when I was younger. I wasn't too caught up in all these stresses of the future and the expectations of what is to come. I was so much more hopeful then.

Where is SHE?

Where is the calm, collected, peaceful and happy ME we all used to know?

If you didn't know me, you'd really think I'm manic-depressive and refer me to the nearest psychiatrist.

Sigh. At least I'm being hopeful.

No place like HOME

Travelling has always been one of my passions ( it's actually one of our family's passions). I am lucky enough to have parents who believe that taking you all over the world is the best education. There is nothing like actually experiencing the different cultures for ourselves and seeing the places we only read about in history books.

Ginger (my sister) and I always looked forward to spending time together as a family (my brother wasn't around yet then) since my parents were really busy at that time when we were back home. When we went off to ride the plane, we had their full attention for the next weeks or so.

We were lucky enough to have visited Europe more times than we did the States. Of course, back then, Gin and I felt that we were short-changed since we would visit all those ANCIENT buildings, churches, sculptures, and paintings - and not have enough toys to bring home (because shopping in Europe was expensive). Believe it or not, I was very young when I realized that there were actually sex museums right in the middle of the city. The hotel where we regularly stayed in Amsterdam was situated just in front of the famous redlight district there. I always questioned why there were ladies dressed in their lingerie on display in the windows (just like a store), and why there would be signs in some coffee shops that drugs were not allowed in that establishment (well, because marijuana was legal all around town).

Oh yes, the sights were pretty, the historical landmarks were great, but these are what I miss the most about our travels abroad among some of my favorite places in the world.

I long for the pomme frite (french fries) they have all around the canals in Dam Square in Amsterdam which were very crunchy on the outside (and never stale) served with mayo... soft served ice cream which we could take all the way back to the room because it wouldn't melt (coz it's freezing outside)... the fresh tulips everywhere... friendly Dutch people... cheap shoes.

I long for the dampness of London with rain coming almost everyday... Burger King/McDonalds' milkshakes (and they served beer there)... roasted goose with plum sauce in Chinatown... the windows of Oxford Street... plays at the West End.. ghosts in the castles..

I miss the crepes with sucre in the streets of Paris... the richness of soft-served Vanilla ice cream on the sidewalks... the paella (na parang hilaw) in Madrid... the fact that stores/restaurants open at 11am in Spain, close from 2-6 for siesta then open till midnight (so breakfast is out of the question!)... the LONG walk to the Sistine Chapel in Rome (I think I was only 8 then and Gin was 5 - my mom made us walk 30minutes from our hotel to the Vatican!).

I just MISS New York City. I miss everthing about IT.

I miss San Francisco too.

Cruises were also part of our trips when we got older. Although I would always be seasick the first night and refuse to leave the room, I wish I could fly to Miami right now and take even just a 3-day cruise. Nothing has yet matched the feeling of boarding a humongous Carnival Cruise liner - with about 2500 passengers, 1200 rooms, a theater that could match that of Vegas, a gym and spa, giant pools, dining rooms and restaurants.. It's actually like you're in another city! Honestly, it's one of the best vacations anyone could ever have. Once you board a ship, you can have all the food you wish (which is all inclusive) - with a formal sitdown meal (3times a day), a cafeteria all day, spreads and spreads of buffet, even room service - and all the activities onboard. You get to visit all these Carribean islands which has tourism as their main source of living. In all honesty, Boracay is a lot better than all those islands put together..

Nevertheless, after a month or so.. I still want to come home here.. sleep in my own room... shop and eat in Manila.. There's truly no place like home...

Haay... how I long for the opportunity to travel once again. You know what happened? We grew up, became busy with our careers, the economy went downhill, the peso dollar exchange rate doubled.. I just wish we took more pictures, and digital cameras were already existent then..

So now, I'm on a new quest.. to visit more places, bring Stel with me and hopefully let my future kids enjoy the same things I did when I was growing up.

As for now, I can always visit all those places in my memories.

Happy thoughts!

Patience, patience, patience.

I check my email 10times a day.

And it still hasn't arrived.

When will it come?

Please...

...take me to my happy place?

This is just perfect.

I think I have a UTI and an AGE today.

Is this supposed to be funny?

I'm opting for SOCIAL ISOLATION these days.
People around me are stressing me out too, it's no longer entertaining.

Anxious

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. (Proverbs 12:25)

Rejoice in the Lord always... Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for YOU. (1 Peter 5:7)

GOD was definitely speaking to me today.

It's weird how Angkong was rushed to the hospital this morning. He's confined for work-up... but hopefully, the doctors will find him perfectly fine. He's been a Colon Cancer survivor for 3 years now - and he's already 88, so his health is definitely important to us. Please say a little prayer for him...

BUT since I've been surrounded by GOOD VIBES this weekend (my Stelly and my family), nothing could really dampen my spirits.

It's a good thing we decided to attend service at 6pm, because the message was made for me. It was a sermon about the Proverbs on ANXIETY. He's telling me to cast all my cares upon Him, because He cares for ME. Little old ME.

Now I'm ready to hit the books again. 15days to go. *Smiling.*

Have a good week.

My bliss.

The weekend couldn't have been more perfect.
I spent it with the people I LOVE.

It was a day away from all the STRESSES of life.
Perfect.

Back to regular programming.
BUT this time, I sigh with a smile in my heart. :p

What I need.

YES, I'm counting my BLESSINGS.

I think I got just what I needed today.

A day with my dear Stelly - for food, some shopping, a movie, coffee and crepe.
And dinner with my family.

It pays to be surrounded by people I LOVE during times like these.

We all go through our own battles each day... but at the end of it all, the most important thing is being LOVED.

Taking a break from reviewing this weekend. :)

Listen.

A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned words.

-Kitchen Table Wisdom, Stories that Heal (Remen, M.D.)

Most of the time, we need someone to LISTEN. When things don't seem to go our way, and life seems to hit us hard, all we need is someone to LISTEN.

Sometimes the most cherished times I spend with the people I love, are those in comfortable silence. Knowing that they're there brings comfort beyond measure.

With how fast life has been these days, we often get too caught up in our own little world of survival, that we forget that people around us need us to. We become impatient. We forget that people need our company, just because. We forget that we do not exist for ourselves, and we cannot exist alone.

As we get older, we isolate ourselves. We forget how it is to listen... to endless rantings and frustrations, to stories of failure and heartbreak, and to issues of loss and grief. Just to end a conversation (because we're in a rush or we have to be somewhere more important), we give UNSOLICITED advice, without even knowing the whole story.

Likewise, we forget how it is to share. We fear judgment, shame, and rebuke. We'd rather clam up and not speak about it. We smile for the world, yet beneath, our heart is shattered. We try to tell everyone we're OK, but we really aren't. We'd rather not cause inconvenience to someone, lest we make the mistake of pushing them away.

And we wonder why therapists and psychiatrists are in demand? And blogs proliferate everywhere?

We'd rather tell our stories to strangers.

Because oddly enough, sometimes, they'd rather LISTEN and CARE, unlike people who we've known forever.

*********

So to you my dear friend, I offer LOVING SILENCE (and a HUG!). I know how difficult life has been for most of us, and I understand your silence. We'll be here when you're ready.

What's with OCTOBER?

I feel like I'm trapped inside a room, with everyone pushing me to the wall.

I feel like I'm being suffocated, held at the neck, barely having time to come up for air.

I feel like I'm inside this bubble... where everyone seems to want to get out too. BUT the bubble won't burst, not just yet. Coz THEY all have their own SAD and SORRY situations to wallow in.

I feel like I can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel, (or the rainbow after the rain). Somehow, I am groping my way through the darkness, with nothing but a candle to light my way, and with nothing to hold on to.

What's up with this month?

I've been going through a roller coaster of emotions since October began. And today, barely 8 days into the month, people close to me all seem to have THEIR share of troubles too.

I try, and try, to be THAT person - the best girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, and doctor. I try my very best, but I know that I'm not myself either.

So I try to stretch myself to wrap everyone in a HUG. But my two arms aren't enough to hold all of them.

And I know that I cannot wrap those two arms around myself either.

I'm a WRECK.

I have nightmares. I cry myself to sleep. I hardly go out. AND I'm damn scared.

The future is SO uncertain, it's killing me.

*******

I have to take a deep breath, and RELAX.
If only it were that easy.

Please bring back that smile to my face?

YOUR Will be Done

Last Sunday, a 4 year old girl gave her testimony in church. Yes, she was 4, and she had the courage to speak to a few hundred people.

She said that she wanted to become a missionary doctor. She started to pray when she was 2... and recently, her dad went to climb a mountain. She asked him who prayed for the kids in the mountains... and her dad said that missionaries did that.

So she then decided that she wanted be become a MISSIONARY.

Oh wow. I'm nearly 30, and I still pray selfishly. I pray for my own needs, and wants, and problems, and struggles. This little girl prayed for OTHERS first, before she prayed for herself. She reminds me of my cousin Bryan, who would pray for the whole world during dinner time.

I should learn from these kids.

No wonder I've been so stressed and distrubed lately.

LORD, please grant me FOCUS and PEACE of MIND.

If it is YOUR Will, so it WILL be.

Can I fast-forward?

I wish it were that simple.

I wish I were in Australia now, working, and training.

Coz that would bring me closer to the NEXT step.

PLEASE Lord?

SLEEP!!!

It's 2am. And the eternal insomniac in me is once again alive and kicking.

Why did I have to take my coffee at 4pm??? Aynaku.

I've been going through my old posts here for the past year. And reading through them just shows me how much I've been through.

So I'll get through THIS as well. Lord, help me.

Scared.

Patience, patience, patience.

My heart and my strength, many times they fail.
But there is one truth, that always will prevail...
GOD is the STRENGTH of my heart.

Lord, I'm getting scared and apprehensive about many things.
Teach me to remain steadfast, and to TRUST You.

Last year...

The same time last year, I was there.

So many times in fact, that I was there more times than I was here in Manila for half of last year.

So many times in fact, that when Vivid came to visit, and she told me about all the Boracay locals who were in Manila with her, I knew almost everyone she was talking about.

Sadly, our 1000 or so pictures were lost when my laptop crashed.

Boracay may only be a place to vacation for so many people.
BUT IT will always be like home for me.

Just as Melissa, Doc Girlie (and her angels), Gerri, Mark, the bars, the crazy people, the MDMC staff, the doctors I was with there (H!, Mabelle, Cynch, Edsil, Julie, Au, Shari, Ynna, RIchmond, Abby, Bastie) will always be in my memories.

And Vivid and Earl will always be like family. They're the two people I've met for such a brief period of my life, but I feel like we've been friends for life.

I miss you guys.

Me, thrifty?

Blogging is therapeutic, especially as I now STUDY like CRAZY for my exams in a few weeks. BUT the best therapy will always be SHOPPING.

Yikes. And since I'm on leave this month, that means I have NO shopping money. Harhar.

Uh-oh. But I just learned that my favorite store is on sale this month! And I didn't find out ahead of time, coz I haven't been going to the malls much in the first place. Hmm...

Will I go? :p What to do, what to do...

Although I'm a DP fanatic, I think I still love my less than p500 blouses from a not-so-secret place.




O diba, parang Dorothy Perkins, but di kasing mahal? :)

Happy Trip SHE :)

She's off to Canada. We're all excited for her.

We love you She!! Enjoy :)

Racist remark about Filipino MDs on Desperate Housewives

(reposted from Rona)

I JUST had to post this. I have friends, classmates, schoolmates and relatives who are now training or practicing as MDs in the United States, so this definitely struck a cord. I love watching the show, so this was something for me. Read on....
_____
In the Premiere of Desperate Housewives Teri Hatcher made a remark about Filipinos - doctors/nurses. She was talking to her doctor and then she said "Okay, before we go any further, can I check those diplomas? 'Coz I would just like to make sure they are not from some med school in the Philippines."

------

Dear Kababayan and Allies:

I heard through the grapevine about a remark made on an episode of "Desperate Housewives" last night. The scene entailed Teri Hatcher's character (Susan) at a hospital, being told by her gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause. Susan replied, "Can I just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines." If you go to abc.com, you watch the full episode and witness the scene at about 18:50 minutes into the episode.

This type of derogatory remark is not only unnecessary and hurtful, but is also unfounded, considering the presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the health care industry. Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United States, with many entering the U.S. and passing their U.S. licensing boards as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world. So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino Americans in health care is disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant.

As Filipino Americans, we need to band together to ensure that this type of hateful message is not allowed to continue on our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell (against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers, the show's actors, and ABC itself. Yet, this isn't the first time that negative remarks have been made about the Philippines or Filipinos in the past. In recent years, we've heard one too many "dogeater" comments by "comedian" Joan Rivers on the red carpet or in her standup act, and I believe that it is about time that we stand up for ourselves, so that this type of hateful speech never happens again.

Please join me in expressing your concern, disappointment, and/or disgust to the producers of ABC.com. You can sign the petition at http://www.petitiononline.com/FilABC/ or you can reach them directly at abc7@abc.com.

And please feel free to forward this widely to other Filipinos/Filipino Americans/ Asian Americans/ and other allies.

Sincerely,

Kevin Nadal,
Filipino Performance Artist/ Activist
knadal@gmail.com

*******
Thanks Chino (Dr. Siegfried Perez from Queensland, a schoolmate from UPCM) from who I first read the remark.

Article from GMA News

UPDATE!!

ABC apologizes. Dapat lang.

Here's a list of links I've got regarding the apology of ABC corporation, the producers of the Desperate Housewives.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071004/ennew_afp/entertainmentphilippinesustvracism_071004015434

http://www.wtop.com/?nid=114&sid=1261037

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hChzhxxHRER0dEWLME9fo1zm8OlAD8S24V780

Changes

The next few months will mean CHANGE. Beginnings, transitions, and firsts.

I have taken a leave for this month to prepare for my upcoming AMC exams. It COSTS so much, so for fear of 'shame' and 'embarassment' to the angels who footed the bill, I HAVE to pass this. Please, Lord?? :)

If the Lord wills, I am also awaiting an RMO contract DownUnder which will start by January. If God allows this to push through, THAT would mean that I have barely three months here... and I will be in another place by the start of 2008. Then I embark on my journey toward self-fulfillment and self-preservation. I will be on the ROAD toward becoming the doctor GOD wants me to be.

Stel will visit the United States for the first time in November. I'm very EXCITED and ENTHUSIASTIC for him, as it will be the trip of a lifetime for him. We'd be separated for about 3 weeks at least. He will finally see all those places he's been reading and hearing about. HAPPY.

Sherylou will also visit Canada for the first time this month. She'll definitely see SNOW for the first time too!!

I will serve as the maid of honor in Lingling's wedding in December. With all the craziness that's going on, I continue to pray for them both, as they take on a new life together SOON.

Things will definitely change FASTER than we can count to ten. Transitions are scary, and change is the ONE constant thing.

I know that GOD holds my hand, and my heart. He is teaching ME to be steadfast, to be patient, and to WAIT for HIS leading. I know that with Him, everything's possible.

I love you, Stel, my family, my friends, and people who I haven't spoken to in months! Thank YOU.