Google Images.

steal all you want:
(stolen from reisha)
google image search your answers to the ff:
(remember, get from the first page only)
1. the age you will be next year
2. place you'd like to travel
3. favorite place
4. favourite object
5. favorite food
6. favorite animal
7. favorite color
8. town in which you were born
9. town in which you live
10. name of a past pet
11. first name of a past love
13. your screen name
14. your first name
15. your middle name
16. your last name
17. bad habit of yours
18. first job

1. the age you will be next year

2. place you'd like to travel


3. favorite place


4. favourite object


5. favorite food

6. favorite animal


7. favorite color

8. town in which you were born


9. town in which you live

10. name of a past pet (SUGAR!)


14. your first name (PEPPERMINT)


15. your middle name (DAVID)


16. your last name (TANCHI)
*ironically, my cousin's picture came up.

17. bad habit of yours (EATING and SHOPPING, not SLEEPING)

18. first job (first and ONLY job)

Maroon Five is coming over next week. And though tickets are very hard to get, my sister has been asking me if I wanted to go...

But hey, after thinking and thinking and thinking about it so many times, I figured out I'd still rather spend a 24hour paycheck on a Chi Spa day (again), go on duty (the concert is on Wednesday), and wait for Justin Timberlake (haha), or U2.

But then, everytime I hear the promos, I can't help but thinking that maybe I should go? Haay ewan. I do love their songs. :)

There are days...

when I wish I could wake up somewhere else, and already fulfill my dream.
when I wish that life was much easier than it already is.
when I wish waiting wasn't such a b*tch.
when I wish I could turn back time, and ask WHY?
when I wish I knew the REASONS.
when I wish I could just sleep for an entire day and forget about EVERYTHING.
when I wish I didn't care what people would say.
when I wish I could wake up one day, and discover something exciting, and something good.
when I wish the world didn't measure success by money, or achievements, or training elsewhere.
when I wish that God answered my prayers.

Sarcastic

You know one of the sucky things about having long weekends for young doctors, especially residents in training?

A LONG weekend doesn't matter to us, 'coz it would mean that you'd still have to report to the hospital or be on duty one of those days.

Yes, we'll be at work. While all our friends and relatives usually have the liberty to take short out of town trips, just because it's a holiday.

We can't even commit to concerts, parties, showers, weddings, appointments and trips, even as far as a few days from now -- because we NEVER really know how our schedules will look like by then. Or how tired we'll be, or how toxic our patients can be, or what conference we'll suddenly have to attend.

Sigh. Nope, I'm not bitter. (And I'm not even in training yet). It comes with the job. There are just some days when I wish Stel, my friends and I could just up, and leave for a spontaneous overnight trip. Heck, it's even difficult to plan a meal together - that we stopped doing so after so many tries. We'll just see each other during weddings, or when we're all consultants already. (Kidding.)

Sometimes, I really think I'm in the wrong profession. Haha.

Loving Mamou

Nope, it's not my birthday. :)

Uninspired?

I've been swamped with duties left and right, and there are those few times when I become jaded, by the cases I see. When you work in the emergency room of a secondary hospital, you see all sorts of patients, cases, and stories, which will not as colorful, as in big tertiary hospitals - where work is the primary priority.

Some patients inspire. Some stories encourage. But some people do break your heart.

I cannot seem to understand how some women take their pregnancies VERY lightly. How do they even deserve to be mothers when they can't even be responsible enough to care for their own bodies? If they weren't ready, there are numerous contraceptives available that are much cheaper than a baby. Come on.

In a span of 24hours, I saw the birth of two preterms in a secondary hospital mainly due to IRRESPONSIBLITY.

Mom A is late-20's, on her first pregnancy, coming in with a full-blown measles infection. The fever and rashes started 4 days prior (NO consults). She is about 27weeks on the way, and she began to have abdominal pains about a few hours prior to the consult. She comes in to the ER with her partner (not married), the resident before me does a vaginal exam and notes that she was already about 7cms dilated. Since we were a private secondary hospital, they were told that a delivery would cost about P ******, and they were amenable. Delivery was imminent, and she had measles, so the baby was delivered right there in the ER, and the baby was only about 900grams. Very premature.

When I came in for duty at 10am, I was responsible for coordinating and searching for a tertiary government hospital that would accept them. We found one, but they had to settle their hospital bills first, (and they didn't have enough) so eventually, sadly, the baby passed away after about 24hours of life.

There were other stories of conduction that day... and I find that most of my duties are spent calling hospitals, and consultants. It's one of the downsides of working in a secondary hospital. Most of those 'residents' we talk to from the tertiary hospitals talk to us on the phone as if we're STUPID, and we're not colleagues. Pwede ba? Please lang, we're both doctors too.

I was on the way out from duty the next day, when Lola B comes in with Baby B. Apparently, Mom B was a 21year old student, almost 6months in the family way. She tried to have a miscarriage early on by taking medications, but she opted to continue with her pregnancy, but still engaged in vigorous physical activities, unfit for a pregnant woman. The lola comes in carrying a very small baby wrapped in a blanket, all bloody. Mom B was in the bathroom, when she shouts and finds both Baby and placenta in the toilet bowl. Questionable already at the onset... But the resident on duty after me, tries to resuscitate. Baby B is about 750grams, about 24weeks old. If she was truly concerned for the baby, she should have taken care of herself in the first place.

They don't even deserve to be MOTHERS.

I don't know how some couples wait so long, and still cannot conceive. Some couples, and younger and younger people get unwanted pregnancies left and right, they even resort to dangerous ways, just to lose the pregnancy.

Sigh. Such is the irony of life.

Chi Spa is LOVE

Stel LOVES being pampered.
Before I met him, I've never had a manicure, a pedicure, a footspa, a massage or a body scrub in my life. I'm not kidding. :) I'm maarte, but I just couldn't understand all the fuss, (plus all the costs). Harhar.

Lately, I've loved manicures and pedicures, and I get my twice a month fix at California Nails or Nail Loft. We haven't had a decent massage and a body scrub in awhile... and since we find ourselves in Shang more often, we chanced upon the buy-one-take-one promo of Chi Spa for the month of February.

The Chi Spa recently opened at the Edsa Shangri-la Hotel - and I'm glad that I won't have to fly to Mactan or to their other properties to experience luxury beyond compare.

We chose the Futuresse Luxurious Firming Body Treatment. This full body treatment lifts, tones and firms whilst rehydrating and strengthening the skin's natural defense actions. A body scrub and firming body concentrates, gels and mask restore and rebalance even the most sensitive areas. Completing the treatment is a full body massage to firm, tone and countour. (That's what it says on the brochure).

Basically, it consisted of an antifungal/antibacterial bath, a steam, a foot scrub, a body scrub, a body wrap and a full-body massage. All for about 3hours. How much was it? Let's just say we wouldn't have tried it if not for the promo... or if I was getting married. :)






It was an ultimate spa experience from beginning to end, I could not believe I was just 20 minutes away from the house. I felt like I was in another country.

The treatment rooms and the amenities were superb. Take your loved one and prepare to fall in love all over again.

I REALLY hope they have another promo sometime soon. *Sigh.* All for freebies!!

Chi Spa is LOVE.

Stel, can we get a Healing Stone Massage before the month ends? *wink wink*

PS. I wish we took better pictures. :p

Stel is in Pangasinan this week for a med mission, and I'm swamped with moonlighting duties as well, to earn my keep. Hehe.

We haven't had a proper Hearts' Day treat. But hey, everyday is Valentines' for us.

Nevertheless, I miss you Stelly, especially today.
I can't wait 'till you get back.

I <3 YOU!

Life is SO SHORT

I lost both my maternal grandfather and grandmother last year. That just means that my mom lost both her parents in a span of 5months. One of my best friends lost her father last year. Another friend also lost his father in the past months. Strangely, a number of people close to me have also lost someone significant the past months - be it a friend, an acquaintance, a relative, grandparents, siblings, and parents.

Sadly, in the medical profession, we become sort of IMMUNE to the passing of someone in the hospital. Sometimes, all we see is a toxic patient we have to intubate, perform Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation efforts to, try everything we could to save him, and yet, a flat line in the ECG an hour later tells us that the patient can no longer be revived. There are times when we somehow forget that the patient is someone's father, mother, sister, brother, wife, husband, or friend.

Sigh.

Just early this morning, I was on duty at the hospital when I received a text message from GCF friends. Since I was half-asleep from a 24hour duty, I had to read the messages a number of times before reality set in.

Our dear Pastor Kevin Alamag, and his wife, Belle, went home to be with Our Creator because of a vehicular accident along Commonwealth Avenue this morning.

It was one of the saddest messages I've ever received in my entire life. Pastor Kevin was a relatively new pastor in GCF last year, when he grieved with us during our time of loss... in January when my Lola passed, and in May when my Lolo passed. I remember that he was also one of the pastors who always prayed for me in church, and texted me whenever I'd leave my name in the tear-off portion of our bulletin during Sundays. He was one of those who said the most powerful prayers, that you would find yourself convicted, and shedding a tear or two, whenever he led the pastoral prayer during Sunday service.

My mom had the privilege of knowing about his very powerful testimony, not everyone in GCF is privy to. From being an orphan at a very young age, all siblings being separated early on, being part of the rebels (NPA) for a time, to being a UP scholar, to being a pastor... I will write about the details when I get the full story again from my mom. He is such a remarkable person, that I am privileged to have known him and to have been touched by his life. He was so young, yet he lived such a full and accomplished life.

There will be a funeral service tonight at GCF Ortigas, as we pray for his two very young kids, and his bereaved family.

I am very sure he has touched so many lives today, even with his death.

Life is SO short. That hit me. BIG TIME.

Balloons

Are some things better left UNSAID?

Are we better off NOT KNOWING?

Sometimes, the truth hurts us more than anything.

There are times when I'd rather be a kid. There are times when I'd rather NOT KNOW grown-up things and just sit back and NOT CARE. All I wanted back then was a room FULL of BALLOONS all to myself. That would make me scream to my heart's delight, and have the liberty to be selfish. I didn't need to share. It was all MINE.

There are times when I'd like to go back to those days when a Sweet Valley Twins book cost no more than p50, and Sweet Dreams books were just about everywhere. All I had to worry about then, was getting a 90+ to a 100 in all my exams - or qualify for the Regional Math competition (yes, I am a geek!).

But we all have to grow up someday. And then we know things we'd rather NOT KNOW. Our happy little bubble bursts right before us, and all we're left with are memories we begin to doubt. It's as if we were told that Santa didn't exist. (Honestly, I don't think I ever believed in Santa anyways).

Most of the time, I try to be mature and face up to the truth. Because the more we try to suppress it, the more it comes to stare us right to our face.

But there are other times when I'd rather REGRESS and IGNORE. Like, right about now.

Oh, where are my balloons?

Burn, Burn, Burn

I thought of burning my pictures from the hard disk today. It's been something I've been procrastinating about yet again.

Because of a past experience of having my whole hard drive CRASH with 3 years worth of memories ERASED, just like that, I realized that I should back up my files A.S.A.P. Especially my pictures. Thank God for sites such as multiply where I posted MOST of my photos in the past years -- but still, I do not have high resolution copies of more than a thousand pictures. Stupid me. (And I shed a tear or two about that already.) But hey, it's all in the past.

All my pictures last year were worth about 5 CDs. That's it.

If that just makes you stop and think just how INFINITE the power of our mind is, I'm thankful that we DO NOT need to search through millions of microfilm, CDs, pictures, files and notebooks to conjure some FOND memory from our past and present. Hey, no matter how bad you claim your memory may be, you don't need much brainpower to come up with some seemingly insignificant picture in your mind. It may be the smile that always welcomes you when you wake up in the morning, the thought of being in your mom's or dad's arms when you were awaken because of a nightmare, or that look in his/her eyes, when he/she first said I LOVE YOU.

That wasn't too difficult, was it?

My love for 'slippers'

Me (Aqua Metallics), Vivid (Orange), Earl (Blue)

Obviously, I LOVE flipflops too.

I bought my first pair of Havaianas back in 2005 (if I remember right). Back then, people would CRINGE at the sight of tsinelas outside the house. Back then, Stel (and most people) were telling me off for spending p600 for a pair of RED tsinelas. Well, he does have a point.

Havs were super sought-after a year later... maybe it's popularity also stemmed from it's HARD TO FIND status. Back then, the suppliers would only bring in limited stocks, and sizes would be wiped out, sometimes within hours of hitting the shelves. Literally. I remember trying and trying to look for a pair of metallic gold and silver for SO long. We'd even order them from Cebu or Davao. The Havies (Hi girls!) I met over in Girltalk would even order them from ALL over the world. Some friends would even be asked to reserve/purchase a pair and have it shipped to their houses instead.

I must have owned close to about 20pairs (ONLY) back then. (I've sold most of them). And each time new styles would come out, I'd always want to make the store/mall rounds, even if I had NO intention of buying anything new. I didn't know why I would readily fork out almost a p1000 for a pair of slippers, when I had difficulty buying shoes that even cost a thousand or so. Haay ewan. See how much money I wasted on them?

It's a good thing the novelty wore off. I think it did when All Flip Flops started opening their stores all over Metro Manila, and EVERYONE was wearing Havs, everywhere. I became older too, and I noticed that most places we went to prohibited slippers : country clubs, fine dining restaurants and hotel coffee shops. It was odd for a licensed doctor to wear flipflops too (unless I was on duty in Boracay), so I started wearing my High Look in Black ONLY.

I always had my phases. My flat Havs phase. My High Look phase. The wedges/sandals phase. The ballet flats phase (I think I own at least a dozen or more flats NOW) - which has lasted longer, since it's very convenient, and it fits my lifestyle.

Because of the advent of flats (which I used to hate), I cannot imagine wearing heels, wedges, or even the High Look for hours at a time standing or walking. I literally blame the Havaianas craze though, because I cannot bring myself to wear an uncomfortable pair of shoes - without having a pair of slippers to change into right after whichever event.

Although I try to wear flats as much as I can, there are days/weeks when the weather is HOT (like lately) and I'm tamad, so I'd rather wear my trusty OLD Havaianas. Or they'd always be in the car, 'just in case.'

I still have about a dozen pairs I cannot bring myself to SELL though. The OLDER versions were so much softer and so much better, which is why I still love them. I still like looking at them spread on my bedroom floor. I wear some of them around the house nalang.

They remind me of better and happier days. *Sigh.*

He wants me to say that HE'S a trophy boyfriend.

But TROPHY or not, he's still my ONE and ONLY Stelly.

I love you Stelly. More than anything.

On dreaming...

I told someone I love that he's stopped dreaming simply because someone else DREAMS for him. And because DREAMS mean holding on to something so abstract that it's beyond our grasp, DREAMING becomes impossible for someone who is a CONTROL FREAK : someone who's so obsessive, he has to KNOW everything.

I used to think I WAS the control freak... but that changed once I entered medical school, and I met so many people even more OBSESSIVE than me. As we were immersed deeper into the hospital and medical environment, I realized more and more that there are certain things that we CAN NEVER control. Sometimes it takes a whole lot more patience and maturity to accept that some things simply happen BEYOND our control. The older we get, the more we understand that we CANNOT control how people will react, we CANNOT control THEIR thoughts, we CANNOT predict how things will turn out, and we CANNOT control anyone. EVER. It's simply impossible.

If we accept this, then we have more liberty to DREAM and hope. And when we surrender to God's all surpassing power, we realize that He's SOVEREIGN, and He's the ONLY ONE in control. There's that peace that I cannot explain, and that assurance that most people will never understand.

People may ask, and ask, and wonder the whens, the hows, the wheres and the whys of my future. I look ahead, for things that are to come, for things that I cannot control, for things that God will surprise me with. I will NOT go ahead of Him, I will NOT second-guess His wisdom, nor will I question His will. I remain at peace (which may seem weird to some), and assured of His greatness.

I will continue to DREAM and BELIEVE. All great people started from somewhere small. Inventors have failed a thousand times before coming up with the perfect 'light bulb.' Da Vinci must have thrown out a hundred sketches and ideas before he came up with the final blueprints for the Sistine Chapel. I know God is molding me for better things to come. Through all the heartaches, the disappointments and the difficulties, He wants me to build my character for life apart from the comforts of the familiar.

When we try to CONTROL, we simply forget to TRUST, to PRAY, to HOPE and to BELIEVE. We try to take things into our OWN hands, and we go ahead of what isn't supposed to be. We end up SETTLING for something we do not even want, and THAT will never make us truly happy.

It's funny how some people equate a future and success with riches and financial stability... but I'd like to think the happiest person in the world is a person who had a DREAM : no matter how big or little, took the steps to fulfill it, no matter how risky or difficult, persevered, despite and inspite of everything that would have set them back.

When we DREAM, we take risks, we fail, we stumble, and we will somehow end up much better than when we started. Oftentimes, it's all about the JOURNEY. We give FULL CONTROL : to fate? to the stars? to the wind? or to the Lord? Only when we SURRENDER to HIM will we find that PEACE.

I am grateful that I have the freedom to choose, to dream, to follow my goals, to pursue my impossible career path, and to let go of a more stable (and sure) future, for something as impossible as snow in Manila.

Please understand. And continue to DREAM.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
- Jim Elliot

Doctors aren't GODs

Since I've been going on duty more often, I notice more and more that some patients think that healthcare workers are there to become their PERSONAL SLAVES.

I know we've taken the Hippocratic Oath and everything, but we're human too. I'm amazed by how some patients talk to nurses like they're MAIDS. And they speak to doctors as if we do not have the right to even sleep, or eat, or get tired. We're NOT immortal. How I wish I had superpowers and READ your MINDS.

We're HUMAN too, and we can only do so much to HELP. I'm not GOD. We're not GODs.

We can only treat you as much as YOU want to help YOURSELF. There's such a thing as personal responsibility, and personal care of one's health. All the latest treatments in the world will NOT save an end-stage disease patient. There's prevention and early treatment.

I hate it when patients come to the ER with very high blood pressure only to find out that they're stopped their medications for a year.

I hate it when they come hyperglycemic, only to know that their last check-up was more than 6 months ago. And they've stopped their meds.

I hate it when patients (and parents who bring their kids) who have had fever and cough for more than a week, come to the ER highly dyspneic, and burning with fever, early in the morning.

I hate it when a diabetic and hypertensive patient is brought to the hospital when she has been edematous all over for a month, extremely dyspneic for about half a day, and you hear crackles from a distance, it wouldn't take a genius to know that she's nearly going into cardiac arrest.

I am deeply saddened by irresponsible patients, irresponsible relatives, and irresponsible parents. There are government hospitals and health centers everywhere, in cases when funds are short.

I know there are victims of the healthcare system : patients who are unemployed, patients who are indigent, patients who have been denied admission in almost all the government hospitals around. That's a whole other story.

I am writing this for our patients (their parents, relatives and friends), who have the means and the finances, but still REFUSE to take responsibility for their health.

Sometimes the hospital becomes THE LAST resort, and when it is highly IMPOSSIBLE to treat end stage diseases, you BLAME the doctor, or the hospital. Doctors aren't miracle workers after all.

Please try to HELP YOURSELF. Before it's TOO LATE. Before you become a statistic.