Dreaming

Wow. It's four months till the end of the year. Somehow when July comes the days seem to go by faster than it already is.

I was reading through the blogs of my cousin's cousin - and I realized that I've always dreamed of studying in another country. Ever since. Even now that I'm done with my medical degree, I still wouldn't mind being a student in a foreign university.

I actually took the SATs and the TOEFL back in high school. I was ready to apply to foreign universities and leave. We always toyed with the idea of seeking higher education elsewhere. My mom was a Fulbright Scholar of the US Embassy back when she was in her Senior year of College. Since I could remember, I would always dream of living in another place, and enjoying the campuses of large universities, especially when I see them in pictures.

But then, my cousins who are mostly US citizens were all here then - so my grandfather wouldn't really allow me to study abroad. I guess it was God's will too - coz some problems came up and our financial situation changed. An education in another country would've cost a fortune.

By God's grace, I finished medical school and Ginger finished her accounting degree at the same university as well. God is good.

I was quite hesitant then to leave for residency. Applying to the States would cost a lot, and I was prepared to stay and start here. But my parents have always dreamed of sending their kids abroad -- so it was a dream that I couldn't let go of.

I persevered, despite so many setbacks and disappointments. There were many times when I wanted to give up. There were many times when I couldn't really see the point anymore.

In faith, I believed that God was preparing a place for me. In His time. It looks like my dream is most likely to come true sooner than I expected. I may be somewhere I have always wanted to be in a few months.

Let's never stop dreaming and believing.

The Familiar

Photo from Melissa Yeo's flicker

Am I willing to leave?

Leave the familiar?

Will it be worth it?

'Learned' rebellion

I'm under house arrest today. My respiratory infection is still there, and I don't think I'll get any better if I expose myself to the hospital. So help me, Lord. I have to get well if I'll be going for my medical checkup next week.

Sigh. I SO hate being sick. In our family, getting sick is a NO-NO. My parents will only have one answer when we complain that we don't feel well : YOU NEED TO EXERCISE, or STAY OUT IN THE SUN (more).

Hence, my siblings and I have developed a scheme. We only complain unless we're really, really ill. Otherwise, we just suck it up and take our own meds. And when your condition is kinda bad (like when I had Hepatitis A, or this recent cold), they'll 'baby' you for a bit - and when you're feeling a bit better, they'll suggest that you go out in the sun the next day.

I don't know why we have such active parents, and we're such lazy kids. I think they have more physical stamina and endurance than we do.

I know what I need. But I just hate it when I get reminded of it every single time, that instead of doing something about it, I just give up way before I even start.

Maybe it's our little form of rebellion? Haha. Ewan. We're basically good, excelling kids, strives to do the best in everything. It's just this little aspect that we often neglect.

My GRATEFUL POST for the WEEK

At the start of each week, I decided that I should stop and count (list down) my blessings for the days that have past. It will remind me of God's faithfulness and His LOVE, especially on days when I forget, or even take Him for granted.

• I can DRIVE! Yey! I never thought I'd see the day when I'd drive Stel to a Starbucks and be the one waiting for him in the car with the hazard lights on.
• Mama and Gin are home safe and sound from Australia.
• My NEW passport has been issued today! And the papers I had notarized will be complete by tomorrow.
• I started with antibiotics last Friday. Although my colds have been the worst I've had in YEARS, I think it's getting so much better because He prompted me to start the meds early on.
• I was able to attend Yacies last Tuesday despite the weather and the schedules.
• Angkong celebrated his 89th birthday last Friday. He has survived Colon Cancer for the last 3years so each year is truly a blessing.
• I will be able to attend the Passion Concert on Friday. We're set to watch the Sonic Flood concert in a few weeks, because my cousin's band is part of the front act.
• Stel and I have been together for 5 years. I thank God for blessing our relationship through all the good, and the bad. I'm glad we're in a happy place now.
  

See? GOD is SO GOOD.

Under the weather

I haven't been this sick in awhile. The last time I felt chills and body malaise, a night's sleep and some vitamins did the trick and I was up and about the next day.

But this time it's different.

I'm currently on my 3rd day of antibiotics, which I started the first day I felt the slightest of symptoms. I had a really sore throat then, and I've been feeling chills the past few days. I was sleepy almost all day. The minute I got home from a day's work of examining 40 pre-school kids, with about 75% with ear infections, and a quick buffet lunch with a cousin, I fell asleep. Yes, at 5 in the afternoon. Anyone who knows me knows how difficult it is for me to fall asleep... So one of the few times I sleep early - just means I must be SICK.

Sigh. I'm feeling a lot better today, than yesterday. But I've been kinda quiet-er and weak-er than usual, and my nose has been clogged like crazy. Haven't had this bad a cold in a LONG time.

It's been stormy raining the whole day. School tomorrow has been cancelled (for Jumpy). It's a good thing Stel and I called off our dinner tonight. And it's a good thing my Mondays are free days. I should rest my voice, get some rest, and take my medicines.

I have to BE WELL by Wednesday. Duty again.

Have a safe week everyone.

Things I LOVE...

My all time favorites.

COOKIES


Famous Amos Butterscotch and Pecan Cookies
(Please open a branch in Queensland? And why did you close in Megamall?)

POTATO CHIPS

Red Rock Deli Lime and Black Pepper
Red Rock Deli Dijon and Honey Mustard

CHOCOLATE

Lindt Pistache
(One of the few chocolates I love)

FRUIT

BIG red, sweet STRAWBERRIES


STEAK

Hog's Breath Slow Roasted Prime Rib
(It's cooked for 24hours or something. Yum!)

And the great thing is, these are ALL from AUSTRALIA!
Thanks to Gin and my Mom for bringing them home for me.
Was too lazy to take pictures, I stole everything from the net.
Everything (except the steak) sits safely inside the fridge which NO ONE can touch.

I wish these were all available here.

I could really live there ha? Hehe.

You are GOOD ALL THE TIME

Lord, YOU are GOOD
And Your mercy endureth forever.
Lord, YOU are GOOD
And Your mercy endureth forever.

People from every nation and tongue
From generation to generation

We WORSHIP YOU,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
We WORSHIP YOU,
For who YOU are.

YOU ARE GOOD, ALL THE TIME.

Thank YOU, Lord.

UP is100 years old

To commemorate our centennial year at the University of the Philippines

(Okay, so I stole this from some blogger I don't even know... I miss UP too. Actually I miss being a student. Haha.)

1. Student number? 96-16666 (I don't thing I'll EVER forget my student number until the day I die. Even if my number sounds creepy and scary, it brought me GOOD vibes all throughout my stay.)

2. College? I started at the College of Science in UP Diliman then shifted to the College of Social Sciences and Philosophy after a year. Took up my M.D. at the UP College of Medicine in Manila.

3. Ano ang course mo? (What did you Major in?) BS Physics (for a year), BS Psychology, then Doctor of Medicine.

4. Nag-shift ka ba o na-kick out? (Did you shift majors/Courses or were you a kicked out of your College)? Shifted from BS Physics to BS Psychology

5. Saan ka kumuha ng UPCAT? (Where did you take your entrance examination?) Math building, Saturday afternoon. Bago pa siya nun.

6. Favorite GE subject? (General Education classes) I can't remember. Kasaysayan II (?)

7. Favorite PE? Bridge! Hahaha. Judo actually.

8. Saan ka nag-aabang ng hot guys/girls sa UP? (Where did you hang out to check out the hot babes/dudes?) I never hung out in school. Loser haha :)

9. Favorite profs? (Favorite Professors?) Dr. Marcelino (Psych), Prof. Garces (Psych), some doctor-lecturers. Gosh, I don't remember much. :)

10. Pinaka-ayaw na GE subject (least favorite General Education class)? STS. What the heck was that for?

11. Kumuha ka ba ng Saturday classes? (Did you sign up for Saturday classes?) NOPE!

12. Nakapag-field trip ka ba? (Did you join any field trips?) Boo. NEVER.

13. Naging CS ka na ba or US sa UP? (Were you ever a College Scholar and or a University Scholar) Yup US all through college.

14. Ano ang Org/Frat/Soro mo? (What Organization/Fraternity/Sorority were you a member of?) I tried but I gave it up after awhile. Orgs just weren't my thing. I was part of the Med Students Society in medschool though.

15. Dorm, Boarding house, o Bahay? (Did you stay at a dorm, boarding house or did you live at home during college?) Home during college. Started to stay in Manila my 2nd year of medschool. The travel time was hopeless.

16. Kung walang UPCAT test at malaya kang nakapili ng kurso mo sa UP, ano yun? (If you had your way, what was your dream course/major?) I'd still choose the same course because I've always wanted to be a doctor.

17. Sino ang pinaka-una mong nakilala sa UP?(Who did you first meet at UP?) Rej and Arlyn.

18. First play na napanood mo sa UP? (First play you watched in UP) I don't even remember, some Tagalog play by Pen Medina at the Faculty Center.

19. Saan ka madalas mag-lunch? (Where did you usually eat lunch?) Green House, Katipunan. Maarte ako eh.

20. Masaya ba sa UP? (Was it fun in UP?) SUPER!!! Wouldn't trade my experience in UP for anything else. It would've been more fun if the hospital (PGH) was in Diliman. Haha.

21. Nakasama ka na ba sa rally? (Did you ever get to go to a rally?) Nah. I was too lazy and scared.

22. Ilang beses ka bumoto sa Student Council? (How many times did you vote for Student Council elections?) Once in college. In medschool I voted a few times... Because friends were running.

23. Pinangarap mo rin bang mag-laude nung freshman ka? (Did you ever aspire to graduate with honors when you were a freshman?) Yup. Competitive ako eh. :)

24. Kung di ka UP, anong school ka? (If you didn’t go to UP, what school would you have gone?) Since pre-med was my purpose, UST (but I never took the exams!).

Happy FIVE years BABYPOOH. :)

I love you.

Yikes. There are a good number of bats flying outside our house right now. That isn't unusual since there usually are... but there are so much more today, and they're flying quite low. The sight of them creeps me out. I don't know why there are a lot of them today. They must be feeding on the mangoes or something. Yikes talaga.

Maybe it's because of the Dark Knight. Hahaha. I can't believe I watched it again today. And unlike some movies where you see loopholes and flaws the 2nd time, this was still as great as the first time. Although I was falling asleep in some parts.

******
I have my official DRIVER'S LICENSE now. Yipee. On the last day of driving school, the instructor told me that I was READY to drive on my own. And I even drove to Manila with Stel using his Vitara. It took us A WHILE. But hey, that was the FARTHEST I've driven to. I felt so FREE!! Whee. I loved it.

I'm trying to write something intelligent but my mind's all jumbled up today. I'm officially tired from the whole week (last week), and the full weekend as well. And a full Monday. But it's back to work tomorrow, and duty on Wednesday. *Sigh* So many things are coming up this week. I just want to stop for awhile.

God is good all the time. :)

Have a great week everyone. :)

I loved it!

The Dark Knight.

I absolutely loved it! *Sigh*

That comes from someone who doesn't really like action movies, superheroes and violence.

Superb cast. Superb acting. Very cinematic. Amazing effects. And a great story line to boot.

Heath Ledger will get that Oscar.

Okay, so I won't spoil it for anyone. But it's SO worth the two and a half hours in the cinema.

Don't take my word for it. :)

Conquering my FEAR

I'm almost halfway into my driving lessons course. And surprisingly, it's not as bad as I thought. Nakakahiya. I was actually more stressed about driving (or taking lessons) than intubating a patient nearing respiratory arrest, or delivering a baby.

But hey, I figured that there's always a FIRST time for everything. The first few times I performed the procedures any competent doctor should know, I could've been just as anxious or scared, maybe even moreso, since I was handling a patient in a life and death situation.

I've put off DRIVING for the longest time. My sister has been driving since she was in college. Mang Romy taught me too, but I was scared to go on the main roads. I only applied for a student permit after medschool, and it has even expired on me. I had to apply for a new one a few months ago, and still I never took the time to learn. I would have recurrent dreams of being caught in an accident, or crashing on a tree/post/whatever. Since I never found the need to actually drive a car myself, I never did.

But as we always say, God has his ways. I know that this is a skill that is of utmost importance, especially as a doctor. I wouldn't be able to hire a personal driver all my life, and there will be times when there would be no one around to drive for me (in cases of emergencies). Let's be realistic. There's the most important reason. But more about that when the time comes.

Right now,I'm being taught to drive a manual car. And as always, the only thing I still couldn't do perfectly is to handle the gas and the clutch. The instructors tell me that I could handle main road driving (which I've done with them a bunch of times), especially driving through traffic. If I could master this transmission, then driving an automatic eventually wouldn't be much of a problem. I've learned how to do turns/maneuvers, 'hanging', parallel parking. The operative word here is LEARN. That's much progress for someone who's driven for about 5hours only.

And honestly, I'm actually enjoying myself. I love learning something new.
This is one fear, and one skill that I've finally conquered. Praise God for that.

There are still a number of hours to fulfill with my lessons, and a whole lot of kilometers to travail. I know PRACTICE makes perfect. But anyone who knows me will be PROUD and HAPPY to know that I can actually drive a car now. And I'm not as scared. And I'll be a better backseat driver (Haha). Among other things.

I'm actually converting my student permit to a non-professional driver's license this week. How's that for progress. *wink wink*

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens ME. Amen.

I am NOTHING

I heard about this song through my sister - who heard it from a friend. It has been on my Ipod for weeks now but I only decided to listen to the song today. And I'm glad I did.

It's a song by Ginny Owens, a Christian Contemporary Music singer who has been BLIND since she was two. (From Wikipedia). I don't know if any of you have heard her songs, but her songs are heartfelt - words that speak straight to the heart.

Please take the time to read through the lyrics.
I will try to upload the song one of these days.

*********

I AM NOTHING (Ginny Owens)

I could travel over oceans, cross the deserts, climb the mountains
Just to share Your story, bring You glory, and win souls for You.
And I could sing like an angel, songs so humble and so thankful
Full of drama and emotion, so the world would know Your truth.

I could give away my money and my clothes and my food
To restore those people who are poor, and lost, and down-and-out.
Oh, I could succeed at all these things,
Find favor with peasants and kings,
But if I do not love, I am nothing.

I could live a flawless life,
Never cheat or steal or lie,
And always speak so kindly, smile so warmly, and go about doing good.
I could dedicate myself to do what everyone else wants me to-
Listen to them, compliment them, say the things i should.
I could show up every sunday, lead the choir and bible study
And they all might come to know me as a leader and a friend.
Oh, i could achieve success on earth, but success cannot define my worth
And all these actions, all these words, they will not matter in the end-

Songs will fade to silence,
Stories, they will cease.
The dust will settle, covering all my selfless deeds.
So as I strive to serve You,
Won't You make it clear to me,
That if I do not love, I am nothing.

And if I cannot live my life loving my brother,
Then how can I love The One who lived His life for me?

Oh, sent to earth from heaven,
Humble servant, holy king,
Come to share a story, get no glory, and save my searching soul,
You knew that I'd deny You, crucify You, but nothing could stop You from
Living for me, dying for me, so that I would know-

Songs will fade to silence,
Stories they will cease,
The dust will settle covering all my selfless deeds.
But Your life here has made it clear enough for me to see
That if I do not LOVE, I AM NOTHING

Shut UP and DRIVE...

Sale. Sale. Sale.

It's the Debenhams End of Season Sale tomorrow. Zara's sale is still ongoing..


And the DP/Topshop Private Sale is coming up. *Sigh*

So much sales, so little money to spend. Ahaha. :)

What did I LEARN today?

God's LOVE is amazing, and we should NEVER, EVER take it for GRANTED.

Immerse yourself in His word.
PRAY.
Minister to everyone around you.
Celebrate in Him.
Experience Him for YOURSELF.

I'm truly SO grateful for EVERYTHING, Lord.

I want to stand on a mountain and shout from the mountaintops just how much I love you, Lord. Honest.

*I miss Stelly. I hope you do well on your exams. Happy studying! I love YOU.

Back to the GRIND

I took a leave for a month to fix up some stuff. It's a good thing there's been kind of a 'LOW' season in the hospitals lately that the income I would've earned wouldn't really matter much. Pera lang ang katapat eh 'no. Hehe.

But seriously, I'm so thankful I was able to REST and prepare, and make the most out of my time away.

Since funds have been short again (hey try not working for a month!), and I'm getting rusty with my ER skills, I'm going back to duty again tomorrow.

I did miss the hospital. I just hope tomorrow will be a GOOD day.

Pray for me.

It's time to earn my keep again... Who knows, in a few months, I just might be working somewhere else.

Think POSITIVE. :) YEY!

Story of my life

I'm feeling oddly sentimental today. It may be due to loads of free time/idleness, or it may be due the fact that I'm feeling mixed emotions about a hundred different things.

Weirdly enough, there seems to be a paradigm shift AT WARPED SPEED sometime very soon. If all things work out, and all things push through, my life situation will change and I'll be a whole continent away in a few months.

I just saw PS. I LOVE YOU today (Coz I now have time to be a BUM!). I tried reading the book a few months ago, but I found it a bit boring and I just gave it up. I've been meaning to see the movie, but Stel and I never got around to seeing it in the cinemas when it came out.

I remembered how Stel made this little diary for me when I went to Australia in 2006. He made little notes each day, and I'd have to read it one day at a time. I read through it as I was watching the movie -- and remembering it made me tear up, and cry.

Now, it's the major things that make a relationship. It's the major things that make love grow. But I've always believed that it's the 'little' everyday things that make LOVE last.

Stel and I are a few weeks into our fifth year together. FIVE years. I didn't even think I was capable of falling in love years ago. Honestly. I always thought I was one of those unlucky girls in love - always the friend, the best friend, the shoulder to cry on, 'one of the guys' (I used to have more male friends) -- but never THE GIRL. So when Stel started to spend so much time with me, and call me every single day years ago, I never saw much into it.

See, it was something I was USED to. I've had guy BFs all my life. The fact that they're all lost into oblivion is something I have accepted all these years. You know how it is. Guy and girl become best friends. Guy is madly in love with another girl. And when guy and the other girl get together, guy and girl CANNOT be best friends anymore. That's usually how it is. Honestly, I don't think I could take it if Stel were best friends with a girl. Seriously. Now I understood why.

So the same thing happens. Stel and I become the best of friends. But this time, it's different. Coz HE ends up falling in LOVE with ME. This time, I'm THE GIRL. And his heart belongs to me, and only ME.

Story of my life. But this time there's a 'better' ending. I've found the love of my life. And I know THIS TIME, He's ALL MINE. :)

Little things. It's the little moments that matter. I wonder how I'll survive being AWAY from him for a long time.

Sigh. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

I love you.

Prayer

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer. 
-What a Friend We Have in Jesus

When we pray, we give complete surrender and control to Him.
We humbly acknowledge that He is sovereign ABOVE everything, ABOVE all else.

When we pray, He always ANSWERS -- sometimes He says YES, sometimes He tells us to WAIT, and sometimes He says NO.

And oftentimes, we ask WHY.

I have been praying for some things for over a year. I just realized HOW MUCH, when I went to church and pastors would ask me how things were doing. I've asked almost every single person I know to PRAY. I've asked the church people to PRAY. And PRAY they did. They still do. They still are.

There was this 11-year old Canadian boy who gave a testimony about prayer at service today. He was diagnosed to have Biliary Atresia a few months after he was born. He needed a liver transplant, which he had when he was 2. And 10years later, he came back to GCF to thank the church for praying for HIM. The story brought tears to my eyes (and my heart). And it's not because he's the only survivor of biliary atresia I've ever met (which is A MIRACLE in itself).

It's simply because of the demonstration of the awesome POWER of PRAYER. It's something I have personally experienced. It's REAL. It's something I've been experiencing just this past month.

AMAZING. AWESOME. GREAT.
That's His power. And when we pray, we open up our lives to His power and might.

Lord, I know you are preparing a place for me OUT THERE. And I know that everything works together for YOUR GOOD. To YOU be all the glory, and honor, and power, and praise. I am simply SPEECHLESS by this wondrous turn of events. Just when I've acknowledged Your control and Your will. Just when I knew I could cope with disappointments too difficult to comprehend. Just when I've stopped asking WHY.

It's AMAZING how everything is slowly unfolding, and slowly falling into place. I can see Your hand upon this, Lord. Upon everything - very clearly and consistently. And because You have given, You will see me through.

Whatever Your will is, whatever Your will may be, just DO IT, Lord.

To Him be all the GLORY!

I see your sons and daughters prophesying
Seeing visions, your old men dreaming dreams
I see Your glory covering the earth, Lord
Just as the waters are covering the sea

I see the blind gazing at Your beauty
I see the lame dancing strong and free
I see the millions coming to salvation
I see revival fire in the land

Do it Lord, do it Lord,
Do it Lord we are praying,
Do it Lord, do it that your glory may be seen

I see the lost and nameless ones remembered
I see the widows shouting out your praise
I see the friendless loved and celebrated
Orphans fulfilling, Lord, Your calling on their lives

I see forgiveness overtaking hatred
Pride and prejudice now giving way to love
I see depression replaced with joy and gladness
And Satan’s lies now bowing to the Truth

Do it Lord, do it Lord,
Do it Lord we are praying,
Do it Lord, do it that your glory may be seen

This is our prayer O God
This is our desperate cry
In these days that we’re living now
Let Your kingdom come let your will be done

I see the brokenness of families brought to wholeness
I see the prodigals running home to You
Father’s hearts now turning toward their children
And the children’s hearts turning toward their father’s

I see Your Church rising up in power
Laying down their lives in unity and love
I hear the sounds of every tribe and nation
Giving glory to Jesus Christ the Son

Do it Lord, do it Lord,
Do it Lord we are praying,
Do it Lord, do it that your glory may be seen

This is our prayer O God
This is our desperate cry
In these days that we’re living now
Let Your kingdom come let your will be done

Let Your kingdom come
Let Your will be done
Let it be on earth as it is in heaven, Amen

Souvenirs

Well, as most of you know by now, you'd have seen how much I love PICTURES.

And since photobooths are all the rage as souvenirs right now, we're glad that Ling and Andrew decided to have them as well. Surprise 'yan. We didn't know that they had that in mind before the reception.

Here are my FAVORITE pictures of everyone closest to my heart.




Now, if only I can fit them all in my pocket..

Where is Stelly?

Grateful

I'm in TEARS.
TEARS of JOY.

I know how HE has seen me through ANOTHER obstacle in my life.
Have you ever felt God's hand upon YOU?

That may sound so cliche... But I actually did.

TODAY.

Thank YOU, Lord.
Whatever will come out of it, YOUR will shall prevail.
(SO many people prayed for me. THANK YOU. I truly and sincerely felt it.)